I believe that the movies, news, games and other mass media shape our life more than we would like to admit. It is said that once a lie is told often enough, it becomes the truth. I have noticed that in my own personal life, cutting out excess media has transformed the way I look at life in subtle and big ways.
It is easy to shape your life as if you were a main character in a sitcom. Subconsciously we think that mass media has the answer to life’s questions making it easy confuse fiction with fact. The world is a lot different than is portrayed on our screens and here are 5 overt lies that are repeated often as far as far as I can tell (in no particular order).
#1: There is Only One Kind of Romantic Love
The love portrayed in movies and the media is what the ancient Greeks would refer to as Eros. It is the kind of love that consumes you with a helpless feeling of not being able to live without this person. This kind of love is often described by the phrases;
“I can’t live without you”
“He/she is the one”
“I can’t find Mr. Right”
Truth is there are actually several types of love. Pragma, another kind of love may be based on shared core values, attractive character, shared interests, mutual benefit, companionship and commitment.
Feelings fade and there will always be someone else more attractive, spontaneous, and more beautiful than your current partner. This obsession with feelings in relation to romantic relationships is what causes people to jump endlessly from one relationship to another.
If there is one definitive thing we can say about emotions, it is that they are fleeting. Basing a serious life decision such as who to invest the best years of your life going only with your emotions is just another way of saying you are investing yourself on a whim.
Having strong feelings for your partner is all well and good but you should have more than the feeling of love or attraction to justify your relationship if it is to survive for the long-term.
#2: Broken Families Are Ok
This one is a difficult one to tread without ruffling feathers but there is nothing Ok about a broken home. The literature, especially regarding children in broken families is clear. There are no absolutes in life and this is one of those cases. There are certain relationships or families that are dysfunctional beyond saving. Things like abuse, infidelity, disrespect, neglect and such come to mind and in these cases there is no choice rather than to tear everything down.
My point is the media portrays broken families as perfectly normal where the divorced parties make it work and everything runs like clockwork. The truth is much darker. Divorces are expensive, competition between spouses is rife, pitting the children against each other and the parents and many other painful and difficult situations.
This point ties into the first one. Relationships based on whimsical feelings of love cannot outlast the challenges of the real world. I think there should be more emphasis on salvaging relationships where possible and reasonable rather than making it fine and dandy to separate families.
I can’t remember the last sitcom I watched with a strong father figure, a competent mother and well adjusted children. Dysfunctional families aren’t just ‘normal’ but also funny.
#3: It is Ok to Be Broken
Human beings are complex creatures and things happen that are out of our control. Depression, bi-polar, narcissism, alcoholism, addiction and other psychological disorders are an unfortunate part of life. We don’t get a say in what challenges we are going to face but we do get a say in how we are going to handle them.
I would argue that mass media glamorize these disorders. The lesson I perceive here is the world and everyone in it should bend to the afflicted person’s behavior regardless of how atrocious. It is the only way to show support.
Our brokenness doesn’t only affect us but also the people around us. Going through a difficult time doesn’t absolve you of the responsibility to be a decent human being. A diagnosis is not carte blanche for those around you to destroy their own lives or put their lives on hold to save you.
I think the emphasis here should be on getting the appropriate help and putting in the effort to get better rather than expecting the world to lower its standards on appropriate behavior to cater to the afflicted. There are of course exceptions here but the point I am trying to drive at is no one is obligated to trade their life for yours.
#4: Anything Goes
Without going in too much detail, some lifestyles are worse than others. It isn’t that certain people should be burned at the stake for their lifestyle choices but every individual is within his right to disassociate with people who he feels does not complement his lifestyle. Hard drinking, promiscuity and general recklessness in life is not something to aspire.
Everyone is free to live their life as they wish but I argue that others are also free to refuse to associate with people who’s lifestyle do not complement their own.
Other people’s ideas and behaviors rub off onto our own and there are definitely times when this is a bad thing. There is a difference between judging and discerning and I think the latter is perfectly fine.
#5: Personal Values Are Old Fashioned
I think a great point to tie up this post is; decisive personal values are often portrayed in a negative light. It is usually the overbearing and religious person, the oppressed that doesn’t know any better and deserves our sympathy, ignorant person who should be held be the scruff of the neck and re-educated or some other form of dysfunctional person who appears to have personal values.
There is also the subtle idea that popular culture trumps personal values. If your values are different from those espoused by mass media then there is something wrong with you. We know enough from history to admit that what is institutionalized or what is considered popular opinion is rarely correct. I think it is naïve to think that mass media wants the best for us and is here to give us precisely what we need out of the goodness of its heart.
I do enjoy movies, series and other media and I am by no means against them. I only think that these should be consumed consciously. We shouldn’t assume that media is only here to entertain or inform. We must pay attention to subliminal messaging, agendas and influences even when we only want to be entertained.
On The Way to Find the Way 