Keep Waiting for Inspiration; But Know It Won’t Come

“Don’t loaf and invite inspiration; light out after it with a club, and if you don’t get it you will nonetheless get something that looks remarkably like it.” – Jack London

Ah, Inspiration; the magic word! I waited a long time for inspiration to get my affairs in order. I patiently waited for that spark of brilliance so I could start chasing my dream. You see, I viewed inspiration with the idealistic eyes through which I imagine a mother beholds her new born.

For the rest of us, the child is a slimy creature that only closely resembles a human. To the mother on the other hand, the newborn is the most beautiful thing in the world. Because of my idealizing inspiration I watched as the years swooshed by while I sat on my ass waiting to be struck by a bolt of genius.

If inspiration were a man, here is how I imagined him;

He would come in a slick business suit and a thick accent that you can’t quite place. He would walk in with decided steps exuding an aura of competence and all-knowing. He would say

“Son, I have come to help you get your affairs in order. I have all the answers. Here is what you must do. First, wake up before dawn…you know what; you look tired. Why don’t you sit in that chair in the corner over there.”

“I will take off my coat, fold up my sleeves and you can watch me work. It’s gong to be great. On second thought, you look terrible. Why don’t you lie down? Why don’t close your eyes and have a rest? I will wake you when it is done, and you can live happily ever after.”

Well, when the scales of naivety fell from my eyes I was confronted by the stark reality that I would be waiting a long time for inspiration to do what I’m supposed to do. I had to fold my own sleeves and rely on my own shoulders to do the heavy lifting.

Soon though, I began to encounter inspiration. I have seen him with my own eyes and I can tell you he doesn’t come in a business suit and sleek talk and an aura of confidence. You see, Inspiration is a master of disguise. I have seen him many times since and he rarely ever looks the same as the last time.

Master of Disguise

One time inspiration came wearing a plain white shirt, grey sweat pants and running shoes. He had an air of urgency about him. He grabbed my hand and sat me down to work, guiding me until I could catch my momentum. I got so engrossed that day that when the work was done and I looked up; he was gone.

Another time he found me frustrated and sweating and tired and at the end of my wits. He quietly sneaked behind me and silently whispered what I needed to do next. He was gone before I could thank him.

Just last week, he showed up drunk out of his mind and grinning. As usual he found me hunched over working. He gave me two thumbs up and staggered off into the distance, leaving me to tend to my affairs in peace.

You see, I have encountered inspiration many times. More times than I can count but never once did he hang up his coat, fold his sleeves and do my work. He has never once given instruction from beginning to end, holding my hand every step of the way.

I don’t think about him often any more. I have gotten used to his habit of showing up when he feels like and not really doing much. I do know, though, that his contribution counts for something in the grand scheme of things. I just know not to wait around for him but to allow him to come and go as he pleases.

 

The Big Omission in Having a Plan for Your Life Plan

You get tired of drifting through life aimlessly, and after some digging, you discover the big P; planning! You think if only you can come up with a plan everything falls into place. Your life suddenly has meaning, you finally discover your purpose and now you know the steps you have to take to achieve that goal you have set for yourself.

I cannot demerit having a plan for your life. It might be the single most important thing you do. Any successful person will tell you there is no substitute for setting a clear goal and writing down an actual plan to achieve it. My only issue is there is a lot ‘they’ don’t tell you about creating a plan; vital information that is omitted from this planning malarkey.

A Life without a Plan

I love analogies and for this piece, you are the captain, your life the ship and the goal the destination. Now imagine yourself as the captain in your crisp white suit complete with the peaked cap.

You make your way to the cockpit but there is one little problem…you have ADHD. As soon as you put your hands on the helm, you start to think maybe you aren’t cut out to be a ship captain after all. Maybe your true calling is to be a pilot, or even a washing machine salesman. If, by some miracle you do get out into the open water, you start to think that maybe Antigua isn’t where you should be headed. You heard the weather’s better in the Bahamas. You may even all together forget that you are the captain and fall asleep until you are jolted awake by the ghastly sound of crashing into a deserted island.

Life with a Plan

A life with a plan is very different. You are furnished with a destination, coordinates and whatever else captains need to get from point A to point B.

Yo no soy marinero, no soy capitán either.

So you have a clearly defined destination and you have a clue how to get there. The little omission is the plan doesn’t include what happens on the actual voyage.

Shorty after setting off on your adventure you discover that you can’t read a map. You stay quiet and don’t let the crew in on this little detail. Somehow you manage to figure that part out, adjust the course and finally start moving in the right direction.

Next, you hear rumors of a mutiny. The crew is unsettled. You find out that the crew was expecting a grand adventure but is now restless from too much sea and sky. You do your best to quell the unrest with promises of money and beautiful women when you get to port.

One day you get drunk with the crew and howl at the moon. Another day you are in the middle of a big storm that tests the limits of your courage. One clear night you get lost in the heavens, enchanted by the stars like you have never seen them before.

You may get homesick but you know you can not turn back; but even this fact doesn’t stop you from longing for the comfort of home. Other days you will be mesmerized by the dolphins and wales, putting on a big show just for you.

You see, a plan is simply what gets you to your destination and that’s all. You can never foresee or even prepare for what happens on the voyage. The most frustrating part is you don’t even know exactly how long the trip is going to take.

I do believe though, that when you finally dock at port, you will look back on the voyage with nostalgia. You will have a little spring in your step and stand a straighter because you survived it all and arrived at your destination in one piece.

Rock Bottom Isn’t Such a Scary Place After All

Rock bottom is a dreadful place. For some, it is flinching to the sound of prison gates closing behind you. For others, it’s waking up in a pool of your vomit, with a terrible hangover and a sinking feeling that you might have misplaced the past 10 or so years of your life.

Whatever that place looks like, it feels pretty much the same for anyone who’s been there. You can’t help but ask “How did I get here.” But the question is barely audible over the overwhelming sense that you might not be able to get out. You are overcome with a terrible feeling that you might have to call this place home forever.

Welcome to Fight Club

What is the first rule of rock bottom? Say it with me “You don’t talk about rock bottom”. How about the second rule? You get the point.

You are supposed to smile and say everything is ok. If someone asks how you are doing, ‘fine’, or some other version of it is the only acceptable answer.

Should you forget yourself for a moment and actually tell the truth, you get a complementary pat on the back and a half-hearted “light at the end of the tunnel” speech.

You see the thing about rock bottom; it isn’t a tunnel at all. You don’t even know where you are. Sometimes you are lucky and your inner compass tells you where you are. Thing is though, this information is useless.

Even if you figure out that you are trapped under and avalanche, you don’t know which way is up and which is down. You could start digging, but there is no guarantee that you are digging up towards the sun or embarking on an excursion to the core of the earth.

Should you find yourself in a cave, you don’t know which way leads out into the world, and which takes you further into the darkness. Sometimes you have accidentally wondered into the middle of the jungle and the trees get thicker and the canopy heavier with every step in any direction.

There is Hope Still

The thing about rock bottom is that it isn’t all bad. At least the free-fall is over. You are no longer bracing for impact. That rushing feeling of falling into the abyss is over. You have finally stopped falling and for once in a long time, you can catch your breath. The air is musty but at least you can finally breathe.

Another thing about rock bottom is you discover you are not made from glass. You fell hard but there are no broken bones. Your body is filled with scrapes and bruises but for the most part, you are intact.

Rock bottom also gives you perspective. You discover that you haven’t quite hit the bottom. You discover that you are on a ledge and the hole goes on and on into nothingness. You realize you could have fallen further but for now you are on solid ground. This means you can stand on your feet and come up with a plan to get back up.

You realize that rock bottom isn’t all that scary. Sure you are bruised and battered and crying and afraid but at least now you know what you are made of. You know how hard you can fall and still not break.

You don’t rush to get up.  You take your time to catch your breath and familiarize yourself with the surroundings. You sit up and check where it hurts. You take your time to patch up the injuries and sing softly to yourself. Finally, when you feel strong again, you start to look for the way up.

You are no stranger to looking for the way but this time it’s different. You are not desperately clawing your way to the top. This time, you climb slowly and carefully. This time you are not afraid of falling because you know you won’t break and you know you can always find your way back.

Don’t Give Away Your Most Precious Possessions Frivolously

“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before the swine, least haply they trample them under their feet, and turn and rend you.” – Matthew 7:6

I am not going to pretend that this post is an accurate interpretation of these words spoken by Jesus. I do believe, however, that the bible (and all religious books really) offer snippets of wisdom that can be applied to broad areas of daily life rather than have single, inflexible meanings.

You are probably no stranger to unrequited love, getting taken advantage of, taken for granted and other such things. It’s easy to play the victim and see the other person as the bad guy.

Where Are You Casting Your Pearls?

What are your most precious possessions? In my mind, these are time, money, love and attention.  Yet, we give them away frivolously and then curl into a ball and cry when our jewels are taken for granted.

Giving your most precious possessions to some people is like casting your pearls before the swine. Pearls are beautiful and expensive, but a pig doesn’t know this. You may love pigs, and you want them to be happy, but you could spend all day gleefully throwing your pears at them. But the moment the pigs realize that it is not grain, they will trample the pearls and come to rend you.

Say you are saint. You have an inexhaustible capacity for forgiveness and patience. You decide to sit the pigs down and explain to them that these are riches far more precious than grain. You will be devoured like the mad martyr you are.

We often times give our prized jewels; love, money, attention and time to people who are only interested in what they can eat. We then act surprised when the people we have loved so selflessly take us for granted. It is not the other guy’s fault. It is your fault for not discerning the people who value what is godly and precious from those who only want what they can eat.

Get Over Yourself

It is easy to play the victim. It is easy to whine about the friend zone, getting conned out of your money, getting dumped, being taken for granted etc. If you can get over yourself for a minute and realize that things are rarely black and white or entirely the other person’s fault; life gets a lot easier. Some people are hungry for food when all we have to offer is water. It doesn’t mean that water is any less precious than food.

You can carry the ocean on your back and deliver it to the feet of a person you care about. When they turn their head in displeasure, you could spend endless hours picking out grains of salt one after the other to make the water drinkable. At the end of the day, if what you’re offering is not food, your efforts are wasted.

It could be that what you have to offer is unconditional love but the other person is simply looking for a good time. Sometimes all you have to offer is advice when what the other person really needs is money. Maybe only thing you have to offer is a small portion of your time when what the other person wants is your full attention.

It is impossible to make people want what you have to offer. You cannot say to the pig; “Forget about grain, these are jewels goddamnit! Wear these pearls and prance around like the princess you are.”

The best you can do is to take inventory of your jewels.  Pray for wisdom to recognize where they will be valued and where they will be trampled upon. Most of all, hope for courage to seize throwing your pearls and collect them for safe keeping the moment you realize you are casting them to the swine. Clutch your pearls tightly to your chest and hold what is holy close to your heart. Don’t give away your precious possessions frivolously.

 

 

 

 

Showing Empathy Vs Taking on the Troubles of the World

You watch the news, you read the papers, you look at your timeline and you’d be forgiven for thinking the apocalypse has come. There is every reason to be outraged. There was a bombing here, there was a racial slur there; there was a wrongful conviction, a murder, starvation, corruption, rape, just trouble everywhere. While it is good to stay informed, what purpose does the knowledge of all the troubles of the world serve? Should I be outraged every time something terrible happens? What value does my outrage and activism serve in the large scheme of things?

Great Life

I look at my life and I have never gone to bed hungry because of lack. I have never touched a bullet with my own hands, never scampered from a plane that has come to deliver packages of death and destruction. I have never felt in mortal danger. I have never lacked medical help because of government corruption. All these unfortunate things that I see on the news have never happened to me personally.

These terrible things aren’t my reality. They are someone else’s. If I didn’t follow the news and only relied on my personal experiences as my only source of information, the world wouldn’t be such a terrible place. I have had great moments with friends, I have family that loves me unconditionally, I have fallen in love, I have helped bring a calf to the world, and I have laughed at funny movies… Sure I have had low moments in my life but in retrospect, even at the lowest point in my life the world didn’t collapse. I woke up the next day and continued with the grind.

Terrible World

The world is a shitty place and bad things happen to good people. Here is the thing though; most of these people that I am outraged on behalf of, that I feel pity for, for whom I cry and speak out for, they would trade places with me in an instant.

Where do I draw the line between being empathetic to fellow human suffering and living someone else pain and struggle that in truth does not touch my day-to-day life?

Why must I follow the news about a bombing in a corner of the world where I have never been? Why must I be outraged and saddened and disgusted about things that don’t touch me or those close to me? Don’t I have enough troubles of my own; no matter how small or inconsequential they appear compared to what some people are dealing with?

I don’t have to face these problems in person but if I am looking for things to be outraged, angry, and sad or depressed about, life has many surprises in store for me. At some point, everyone I love will die, that’s just the reality of life. I could be diagnosed with a great big tumor tomorrow. I could get into an accident that paralyzes me from the neck down. My country could descend into civil war and I am uprooted from everything I love and hold dear. Something could go wrong in my brain to render me incapable of taking care of myself.

These things haven’t happened and I pray that they never will. The point I am getting at is there is no guarantee that these things won’t happen. They have happened to good people, virtuous people, people who have more compassion, love, faith and wisdom than I do. Why can’t I just enjoy my reality?

Every time I am outraged or have whatever feeling about what is going on in the world, am I showing compassion or am I pissing on the coattails of fortune? Am I saying to life; look here, I know that I don’t have anything major to complain about but look what is happening over there, look at what is happening to all those people.

Where do I draw the line between empathy and carrying the burdens of people who I do not know in person or really care for if I can be completely honest? Can I genuinely be happy and grateful for all the blessings I have in my life if I constantly feel the need to immerse myself in all the vile things of the world? Can I just be grateful that I have come this far in my life without being significantly tainted by the shit of the world or would that make me selfish and cold?